Reblogging because Gervais is still a fool and this point, right as it might be, might also fall in line with the over-intellectualization of modern thought. BEcause you’re unoffended, doesn’t mean you’re unbiased. Because you’re offended, doesn’t mean your bias is irrelevant. Whether offended or not, use your emotions to guide you to truth. Consider their purpose and consider why you are feeling them. No one ever understood love by calculating its benefits.

I feel like I'm using people. I feel like I'm using them to validate my intelligence, my skill, my lovableness, my everything. I feel like a vampire, sucking at people's hearts, desperately craving validation, until they have nothing left to offer and then I feel terrible. I don't think they all see it this way, but I do and I feel like I don't deserve their gracious friendship. How do I love people without taking from them?


What a question.  If only more people asked it, every day.  If only I had spent more of my life asking it.

I don’t know if you listen to my podcast, Harmontown, but our friend, Siike, a multiple aneurysm survivor, once offered us some wisdom from his tragically unique position at the outer edge of certainty:  “Give more than you take.”  Sounds like you and I have both been spending time lately feeling like we aren’t succeeding at that.  My attempts at contribution often end up feeling like siphons.  And while I’m working so hard to make people like me, the people closest to me can take a flying fuck, except when they’re nourishing me.  My girlfriend loves me unconditionally, and so, like a baby, I suck on what she offers me, cry when it’s taken away, giving nothing in return but occasional Walter White rants about how folks will appreciate me one day, they’re going to see what I gave, and blah blah blah.

Which obviously indicates that these contributions I think I’m making aren’t contributions at all.  No more than a mosquito’s contribution of anti-coagulants into a host’s bloodstream.

I think I slip from the right kind of “giving” to the wrong kind without noticing because they’re identical in terms of behavior.  One minute you’re carrying a box because you want to help your friend, the next minute, you’re carrying the same box to be a good person and a few steps later, after not getting some thank you you decided you deserved, you’re carrying a box because your asshole friend is a selfish piece of shit and you can’t wait to move out of your house just to make him lift a piano and you hope it crushes him to death.  In one conversation’s time, you can end up eighty miles from the nearest patch of honesty, still insisting that you’re where you are because you’re a hero.  And you could pass a polygraph test while saying it, because you’re not exactly lying, you’re just… lost.

So you and I need to know, today, how do we get back on track.  How do we stop telling people our asses look fat in these jeans and get back to having accidentally hot asses in sweatpants on laundry day.

First we reset to that crucial gateway, where we just want to be good people.  We drop the rest of our bullshit.  Who cares if we got fired from Grey Matter, it’s back story, now.  Who cares which meth is the best meth, or whether meth is bad, we just drop every thought in our head except the one that can’t be dropped, come hell or highwater, come bipolar autistic alcoholic schizophrenic self-diagnostic disorder or childhood trauma or anything we think is fundamental, because nothing is as fundamental as this: we want to be good people.  Nobody can fuck up standing in one place wanting something, not even us.

Now how do we make sure we move forward without getting lost?  According to Taoists, we don’t.  We follow through on the “action” we took to get back here, which is inaction.  We relax, like a puppet, so that our next move is more the universe’s than our own.  When you let the universe do the moving, it will never use you to hurt people.  When you’re hurting people, that’s your Ventriloquist God saying “hey, dummy, get my hand back up your ass, because the only thing creepier than our ordinary routine is whatever the hell you’re trying to do right now.”

I believe we’re heroes when we’re transparent and we’re villains when we’re blocking light, throwing ego-shaped shadows all around us, then fearing those shadows and clenching up, which blocks more light, feeding the darkness, making the problem seem unsolvable.  I believe that if we all went transparent at once, all problems would stop, but that it’s probably impossible, and that having that as a goal would make us opaque and cast more shadows.  I believe that Katy Perry is wrong, I think that having fireworks shoot out of your chest is dangerous, I think your clothing would catch on fire and you could die.

And I think your question, which is also my question, is its own answer.  We can stop sucking other people’s necks and start giving more than we take if we ask ourselves how we can do it and make sure we don’t block the real, honest answer.  Sometimes working hard is the hardest thing we can do, and sometimes it’s just our really easy way of trying to take stuff from everyone around us.  Sometimes the hard thing is the easy thing.  Sometimes we should do the dishes and sometimes we should take off our apron, tell our boss to fuck off and walk away, because we’re not a dishwasher, we’re just a writer washing someone else’s dishes.

And sometimes people get away with telling other people how the world works by starting their rules with “sometimes,” which is dumb, because how  are you supposed to know which times are the some times.  But this time, I can tell you when the sometimes are:  they’re when you know, in your heart, which can’t be fooled, whether you’re really giving or just taking from behind.  DAN HARMON COMPARES MISPLACED ALTRUISM TO FORCIBLE SODOMY.  Please watch Rick and Morty on Adult Swim in December and watch Season 5 of Community in the future.

That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.
Arundhati Roy
What is Emotional Abuse?


Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship include:

• Using money as a means of control
• Threatening to walk out or abandon you
• Creating fear through looks, words, threats and actions
• Destroying things (and often things you value) – either in a cold and heatless way, or in an angry outburst or fit of rage
• Using blaming, shaming, minimizing and denial to control you
• Verbally attacking and demeaning you (includes name calling, shouting at you, criticising and putting you down – especially in public)
• Attacking and putting you down in private, and acting loving and charming in public
• Minimising the abuse; acting as if you’re over-reacting and it’s “no big deal”
• Deliberately withholding approval, affirmation, affection and as a means of punishment or control

The effects of living with emotional abuse include:

• A fear of being natural and spontaneous
• A loss of enthusiasm or their old joie de vive
• Insecurity related to how they coming across to others
• An inner belief that they are deeply flawed
• A loss of self-confidence and self esteem
• Growing self-doubt (so they’re afraid to make even the smallest decision, or to take on even the simplest of tasks)
• Never trusting their own judgments (as they believe that they misunderstand or misread everything)
• Having a constant critic in their head
• Feeling they should be happier and more upbeat than they are (in order to meet the approval of others)
• Feeling they’re too sensitive, and ought to “toughen up”
• Fearing they’re going crazy, or losing their mind
• A tendency to live in the future (“Everything will be OK when/after ….”)
• A desire to break free, escape or run away
• A distrust and fear of entering into any close relationships again.

To joke in the face of danger is the supreme politeness, a delicate refusal to cast oneself as a tragic hero.
Edmond Rostand




My bras summed up